ATTENTION: This is a satirical and cynical piece about how I imagined the main-stream media (MSM)—meaning: the liberal, progressive main-stream media—would report on the investigation into the attack on the U.S. Consulate in Benghazi, Libya, on Sept. 11, 2012, if George Bush were president right now. REPEAT! This is satire. If you don’t know what “satire is,” please look it up. But, remember, it depends on what the definition of “is” is. You’ve been warned.
Bloody Bush at Benghazi
By Rusty Memé, MSM News
From what can only be described as the worst scandal in the entire history of the U.S. presidency, the blood-soaked and hapless members of the Bush regime are scrambling to cover their tracks in the Benghazi fiasco that is rocking the administration to its core, literally crumbling any hope of leading the American people to a brighter, happier future that promises fairness, income equality, social justice, environmental justice, environmental sustainability, minority rights, healthcare rights, immigrant rights, abortion rights, gay rights, green rights, blue rights, red rights, flat screen rights, X-Box rights, cellphone rights, education rights, travel rights, medical marijuana rights, food rights, mortgage rights, car rights, Sharia Law—minus white privilege, fossil fuels, NFL football, republicans and guns.
Experts agree, the Benghazi imbroglio threatens to bring down the bungling Bush Administration in one titanic fell swoop, sending its frightened and disorganized supporters scurrying for their very lives, due to the unspeakable and dastardly crimes of an executive branch drunk with the blood of its innocent victims … victims who cried out, but no one came to help them.
The White House is undoubtedly struggling to find answers as to just what went wrong when peaceful Muslim freedom fighters simply tried to storm the U.S. consulate in Benghazi on Sept. 11, 2012, while peacefully firing their guns.
According to alleged sources on the ground, the Islamic freedom fighters were conducting a firearms swap meet and rock throwing contest in front of the consulate, when they were attacked by four Americans defending themselves, which is considered very offensive to observant jihadists in the region. The freedom fighters had no choice, according to long-standing tradition, but to storm the compound, while shouting “Allah U’ Akbar!,” and kill the Americans.
Regrettably, right-wing extremists have implied “Allah U’ Akbar!” is an Islamic war cry used in battle when fighting the infidel. The radical right-wing’s non-too-subtle racist overtones toward so-called “terrorists” display the utter intolerance and islamophobia infecting the supporters of the unpopular and increasingly despised Bush Administration.
An unpublished study conducted by MSM News clearly showed such beliefs regarding the notion of the beloved Arabic phrase Allah U’ Akbar! are clearly racist, and have only led to recruiting more terrorists to fight against America and its allies.
It is believed two of the Americans killed in Benghazi were former military-industrial complex employees, which may or may not have had ties to Halliburton.
There was no confirmation on whether the Israeli Moosad had set a trap for the Americans, but anonymous sources allegedly insisted it could be a distinct possibility.
But what difference, at this point, does it make?
Bush’s failure to understand the cultural and social sensitivities of the Libyan revolutionaries could very well spell doom for an administration mired in a culture of corruption, not to mention numerous war crimes, and countless EPA violations.
MSM News’ own award-winning opinionator, Touché, from MSM’s Racial Division Network, chimed in on the ominous and disturbing racial undertones that lie perilously at the heart of the Benghazi investigation:
“It’s obvious the only reason the Bush White House of Horrors cares about Benghazi is because the dead guys are white. If they were black, they would have armed the attackers themselves and handed out cigarettes and matches to their babies.”
In light of the unspeakably atrocious and horrible behavior of the Bush Administration post-Benghazi, calls are going up to finally address the urgent need for the House and Senate to bypass conference and take instantaneous action on Immigration Reform.
Touché, from MSM’s Racial Division Network, addressed the vital need for comprehensive Immigration Reform in order to prevent further attacks against U.S. embassies and consulates in the future:
“The reason we were attacked at Benghazi was due to the reality that Islamic freedom fighters do not enjoy the benefits of white privilege and have no access to basic services like universal healthcare, disability, workman’s comp, unemployment benefits, social security, medicaid, medicare, EBT, SNAP, TANF, student loans, pell grants … or even government cheese. America has created the very terrorists that attack her by preventing terrorists the ability to enjoy a bag of corn chips, or a manicure, or a new cellphone, get an MRI for a gunshot wound, or the chance to attend a prestigious university that could provide the opportunity to meet like-minded individuals. It’s obvious the Bush regime is a fascist, racist cabal of crackers and oreo’s who eschew the progressive policies required to lean America forward.”
“That fact the wives of terrorists do not have access to services like those provided by Planned Parenthood shows the [Bush] administration is a racist pack of whiteboy mother f***kers who have declared war on women and want to see bitches performing abortions with a coat hanger in some back alley of Dagestan like it was the 1950’s all over again.”
The editorial staff of MSM News does not necessarily endorse the opinions of its contributors, but it is perfectly clear they are passionate in their views, which lends credence to the fact they are right and cannot be disputed, by any stretch of the imagination, as British researchers allegedly recently confirmed off-the-record.
Rumors of media bias by critics of MSM News remains a non-issue with the majority of Americans, according to a recent non-scientific poll conducted by MSM News. Although a certain portion of MSM News’ ad revenue ($38M) has gone to support the laudable efforts of the Revolutionary Organization of Bush Eradication Social Program and Institute of Economic Recovery Reversal Enterprise (ROBESPIERRE), 90% of those polled believe that MSM News is not affiliated with the Revolutionary Organization of Bush Eradication Social Program and Institute of Economic Recovery Reversal Enterprise.
The Managing Editor of MSM News and president of R.O.B.E.S.P.I.E.R.R.E., a group promoting collective advocacy and community organizing in journalism, stated it was indeed ironic that MSM News donated to the Revolutionary Organization of Bush Eradication Social Program and Institute of Economic Recovery Reversal Enterprise, but any direct connection to MSM News was just coincidental and “highly ironic.” According to anonymous sources within the upper-echelon of MSM News management, the issue is considered “settled science.”
But what difference, at this point, does it make?
Critics of the administration contend the disaster in Benghazi provides yet more proof the ill-conceived “war on terror” is yielding only more terror, death and destruction for innocent non-white people around the globe, due to the war-like policies of the Bush Administration and their insatiable appetite for war-profiteering and brush-clearing—which only increases the already enormous carbon footprint of the most imperious, fascist nation on earth—the USA.
From the beginning, the illegal war in Libya was a blatant violation of the War Powers Act. The Bush regime failed to inform Congress and obtain the required resolution before committing U.S. forces in Libya, leading to vocal calls demanding impeachment proceedings begin immediately from key congressional leaders.
Michelle Obama, wife of senate rock star and presidential shoe-in, Barack Obama, added her sentiments to a growing chorus of voices disgusted by the callous antics of the war-mongering Bush regime:
“I have always been ashamed of my country,” Michelle said, “But I have never been as ashamed of my country as I am now. We need to move the country forward to hope and change and bring down the system that created such a racist, fascist regime like George Bush’s. The workers must unite in order to lean America forward.”
Michelle Obama appeared radiant adorned in her lovely Prabal Gurung ensemble. The white dress and matching coat featured an oversized gray floral print. This woman knows how to work florals. Michelle added a silver belt and opted not to wear the coat. The future First Lady’s bold fashion statements was made in even more delightful by her complete mastery of the hang of her bangs—a brilliant choice of soft, pretty waves delivered with unmatched panache. Michelle’s grace, elegance and daring style are an inspiration to women and trans-genders worldwide. Whether it is something old made new with a brooch, or wistfully adding a colorful belt to a plain dress, Michelle Obama’s ability to personalize and accessorize with classic flair, but with a twist, is an amazing example of a woman comfortable in her own skin, and who manages her style like a true First Lady, empowering women everywhere to lean forward for progress.
Mikki Taylor, editor of Essence magazine, raved:
“She works accessories like a head of state, if you will. Even down to her footwear: the kitten heel or a classic skimmer. She just has this great ease, she is so modern yet it comes together so effortlessly. I don’t think there is a woman that doesn’t want that.”
It is unclear what the longtime environmental impact will be for people in the region following the violence and mayhem in Benghazi. But climatologists have noted a slight increase in sea level, which may or may not point to an increase in CO2 levels caused by the shootout at the U.S. consulate in Libya. But the climate data currently available unveils a disturbing trend that could bring catastrophe to the denizens of the earth, especially those dwelling on the coastlines.
UN climatologist and world-renown collector of Mother Gaia figurines, Dr. Mami Gaia, exhorts: “The irresponsible acts by the American government in Libya demonstrates the feckless willingness of the Bush regime to bring harm to the environment. They must be stopped and tried for war crimes against the environment.”
What is clear is four Americans were disenfranchised, not to mention killed. These Americans will never again live to be able to vote for the Democratic Party again. The Bush regime must be brought to social justice and tried for war crimes at The Hague.
But what difference, at this point, does it make?
Senator and presidential hopeful Barack Obama stunningly and concisely wraps up the Benghazi debacle that has crashed down upon the bruised and bloodied Bush regime with messianic insight and clarity: “America deserves answers.”